What Kids Really Think About Mom
Why did God make mothers?
She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. Think about it, it was the best way to get more people. Mostly to clean the house.
To help us out of there when we were getting born.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
We're related. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms
like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be
pretty bossy. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?
His last name. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he
get drunk on beer? Did he say 'no' to drugs and 'yes' to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom
eats a lot. She got too old to do anything else with him. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman?
It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
Who's the boss at your house?
Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's
such a goofball. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
the bed. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than
Dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to
work at work. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power
'cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your
friend's.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
Mothers don't do spare time. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
About 30 years. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes
moms don't even have bread on them!
Describe the world's greatest mom?
She would make broccoli taste like ice cream! The greatest mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat
aunts! She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your mom perfect?
Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them. Just her children.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind
of plastic surgery. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd
get rid of that. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know, it was my
sister who did it and not me.
